“The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.”
-Chinese Proverb

I seem to be getting ready to leave the crossroads I’ve been at for so long; which for me means choosing to define and welcome the adult self I’ve been afraid to meet for so long now.

My first steps down this new path are slow and hesitant, because it’s unfamiliar and intimidating to me--I’m not one to welcome change with open arms, no matter how small or positive it may be. But maybe moving forward is like the spot off the 126 where I stopped to take pictures last weekend—a quiet country road, lined with trees and full of new light and shadows to capture, with unexpected treasures such as the little hidden cabin you wouldn’t have seen from the main road. I'd wanted to stop and explore that area for months, but always kept driving by. But I could not resist the patches of light glowing on the hills in the midst of scattered showers; and my curiosity and my camera thanked me for that mini side trip. I had to work up to taking the time to explore something new just for me, but I’m really glad I did.

“Words have meaning and names have power.”
-Unknown

For me to be my own person, I need to define who that is. In doing so, I believe some of those other journalistic questions will be answered (or at least revealed), as well: What, Where, How and especially, Why.

With that in mind, I spent some time playing on Dictionary and Thesaurus.com, trying to pinpoint the qualities I actually see in myself. Here’s what I came up with, at least to start:


Attribute #1: Smart
This is an adjective I’ve resisted historically, but after my research I’m starting to see its value beyond ‘book smart’ (which I had taken to mean ‘boring,’ and, "not pretty or cool").

Root Definitions of ‘Smart’:
A. Intelligent
Related words: Adept, Astute, Bright, Quick, Resourceful

B. Clever
Related words: Amusing, Sparkling, Pleasing Because of Wit/Originality


Attribute #2: Ingenuous
This was an unexpected find…a word that seemed to make my emotional side somehow start looking like a strength.

Root Definitions of ‘Ingenuous’:
A. Honest/Trustful
Related words: Candid, Sincere, Unaffected

B. Free From Guile, Cunning or Deceit
Related terms: Inability to Mask Feelings


Attribute #3: Sensuous
This word came out of wanting to start acknowledging my own unique beauty/appeal as a woman (just writing that sentence still feels weird!). I thought I wanted to be sexy, but I appreciate and relate to this term more:

Root Definitions of ‘Sensuous’:
A. Gratifying to the Senses

B. Voluptuous—not just physically appealing/curvy, but ‘full of pleasure’


Attribute #4: Innocent
This is another word with historically negative connotations for me, because I limited it to mean Naïve, i.e. easily taken advantage of, unable to take seriously. But there’s a lot to be said for being innocent, after all:

Root Definition of ‘Innocent’:
A. Harmless
Related words: Frank, Fresh, Open, Safe, Soft, Un-hurtful, Well-Intentioned, Wide-Eyed


Attribute #5: Secure
Best word I found to combine the kind of quiet, calm confidence and resilience I’d like to see in myself.

Root Definitions of ‘Secure’
A. Safe
Related words: Defended, Guarded, Protected. I LOVE this idea, because it means knowing and trusting I have people looking out for me; and that I'm really not alone.

B. Definite
Related words: Balanced, Reliable, Strong, Well-Founded, and best of all, Self-Assured—believing in one’s own powers.


Finally, in the cracking-myself-up category, I determined that I am in fact:

Peachy/Keen!

Root Definitions of Peachy:
A. Admirable
Related words: Deserving, Dreaming, Exquisite, WORTHY.

B. Agreeable
Related words: Delightful, Delicious, Fair, Grateful, Congenial, Sympathetic, Amenable


Root Definitions of ‘Keen’:
A. Intelligent
Related words: Astute, Bright, Canny, Clever, Discerning, Sensitive, Shrewd

B. Sharp/Piercing
Related words: Fine-honed, Quick-Witted, Sardonic, Observant

C. Enthusiastic
Related words: Intent, Impatient (have to be honest, after all!), Spirited, Warm


I know I still have lots to process, lots to learn and overcome. But it's a start. And it was fun to embrace my nerdiness and play in the dictionary for a bit! Thanks for reading.